Saturday, January 4, 2014

Chuck Norris Jokes / Facts 

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Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his own bare hands.

Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. It's descendents are now known as giraffes.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
 Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he is pushing the earth down.

Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, and fear of Chuck Norris is just plain logic.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris can put out a fire with a gallon of gasoline.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Chuck Norris can build a house from the roof down.

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other in a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris once beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only 3 moves.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg. 
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

               
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